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What I said to my 58 girl…

3 Comments 01 May 2010

I wrote about my daughter defaulting to “I am a failure” mode, i.e. – “58” girl mode, last week.  I was given a bit of push back in that I didn’t say what one (specifically I) would tell one to do if they were defaulting to a “58 girl” operating mindset.

So, I have been pondering it, and I have actually begun writing a small..well, let’s say essay?  Hell, it could be a very short book of shorts, I’ll let you know when I get it finished, but for now, this is what I told my precious girl, my beloved daughter.

She e-mailed me from school the following day to notify me that she had made an actual 90% on her exam, not the initially thought 58% and I wrote her this e-mail in response.  She was encouraged, hope you are as well, since I know we all allow ourselves to believe we are failures without a moments pause sometimes.

“you probably won’t get this (name of my daughter inserted here  😉 ) until after school, but i am not at all surprised about your test!  you are a bright and diligent student and not a “58” kind of gal!  you should have known that right away when you saw that on your test.  next time your mama wants you to remember that and question right away something that is inconsistent with what you KNOW to be TRUE of YOURSELF…got it!  you have to be your own advocate, you have to use YOUR VOICE and speak up for yourself!  it is a discipline that you must begin to learn now and continue to practice your entire life.  there will be more opportunities to do it than i care to mention, but it is probably the single most important thing you will do for yourself my dear.  find your voice, know who you are, and speak up for yourself!  you know i don’t say that in some twisted selfish way, but in a way that honors your human dignity and worth.  it goes back to your eleanor roosevelt quote, “i think that somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.”  you will be learning the rest of your days who you are, pay close attention and never apologize for who you are, never diminish or demean who you are.  honor who you are and develop who you are.  love how you have been gifted, work hard to be better at the things that you love and pursue your passions with great…well, passion!  you are wholly unique from every other human being on this planet and to compare yourself with any one of them is to demean both yourself and them.  DON’T DO IT!  learn who you are!  as you learn who you are, live with it…live with it beautifully, honestly and authentically.  enjoy who you are and who others are.  envy is a devilish thing that destroys you and others, never give it a foothold in your life, it is useless.  living with who you are frees you from falling prey to envy.  it will appear, but put it away immediately by reminding yourself of truth, the truth that you were created for great things, great things that only someone like you, specifically and uniquely you can accomplish.  truth always banishes evil.  live your life in the fullness of who you are, loving who you were created to be, loving others as who they were created to be and you will be living from wholeness, with compassion, kindness and love.  there is another quote from eleanor roosevelt that your mama has come to love, “Friendship with one self is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”  you must love who you are, be your own friend, be your own advocate, care for who you are in order for others to want to know, care and love you too!  as one who knows you better than anyone and has loved you more than her own life, you are beautiful beyond words, creative, kind, compassionate, imaginative, wise beyond your years and very, very funny.  definitely not a “58”!  i love you!  mom”

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3 Comments so far

  1. Jessica M says:

    Hey Jorja! I just found your blog and am working my way backwards to catch up on it. I have loved reading and catching up on your life. This is one of my favorite posts. I love that you took her to lunch during the midst of the emotions. One of my favorite memories of my mom is when she would check me out of school to go do something fun. That’s probably why i am such a big slacker now, i would rather check out of my responsibility to go do something more exciting! Which is exactly why i am reading your blog instead of going through the 200 emails in my inbox that i am procrastinating on. 🙂

  2. Rachel says:

    Finally, finally, finally…as I was sitting on the Florida beach did I decide to look up your blog and make it a bookmark. Why has it taken me so long?? Who knows, but I’m thankful for the divine kick-in-the-ass to get your words back into my life! I miss you and love your words…thank you for being brave enough to put them out there!


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things to make you wonder~

“I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them...” Annie Dillard

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