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Backwards, Before Forward

0 Comments 19 October 2010

The other night I found myself laughing my head off…at what?  Tunes from the 70’s and 80’s flowing out of my mouth and my friend’s as we sang everything from Melissa Manchester’s Don’t Cry Out Loud to the obscure David Geddes’ Run Joey Run.  We were amazed at how crystal clear our memories were that surrounded certain songs and even more amazed at our ability to remember the lyrics.

It can be tempting to get on with it, but I am finding in my mid-life that my theme for life can’t be Boston’s Don’t Look Back.  I am finding instead how healthy it is to look back, not with an obsession to find fault, but with a keen eye to look for understanding.  Understanding what has gone before in order to move forward in a more authentic way.

I have been trying to write an e-book.  This book, like many of my projects in the past, took off with surprising success.  I was writing loads and taking part in an E-book Bootcamp with Sticky E-books and Kelly Kingman.  Then it all stopped.  I don’t mean it slowed down to a normal pace of production, it freakin’ stopped.

I have read about writer’s block from Stephen King, Anne Lamott, Theo Nester and a multitude of blogging experts.  I have tried to write my way to the problem and it keeps bringing me back around to my story, my life and what has gone before.

What has brought me here, to this place, to this questioning and moving towards the authentic?  It has been a very intriguing and sometimes difficult path to travel.  I long to communicate about how to move forward, but I am consistently drawn to learning from the past.

I am coming to agree with Kierkegaard, as he believed, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

So, I am forced to consider what it is that I am actually supposed to write?  Am I writing about my journey to this point or am I writing about how to move forward from where I am?  Either way, I will write it, eventually, and I hope you’ll still be around to read it.

All in all, this is a part of my living beyond the pale.  It is a part of my journey.  Writing for others causes revelation of the self.  So, if I have to go backwards before I move forward, so be it.  At least I am not sitting still!

What do you think?  Is looking back with an eye to understand important?  Are you moving forward with authenticity?

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things to make you wonder~

“I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them...” Annie Dillard

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